Saturday, May 26, 2012

A Standard Life



Genre: Horror/Tragedy
Published: 04-10-12, Updated: 05-26-12
Chapters: 23, Words: 9,612

Chapter 1: DAY 1

Title: A Standard Life
Category: Books » Janet Evanovich
Author: Two Guns and a Knife
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Horror/Tragedy
Published: 04-10-12, Updated: 06-02-12
Chapters: 24, Words: 8,703
Chapter 1: DAY 1
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 1
It is the Burg wedding of the century. The man who owns the most hairy ass in Trenton and the woman who finally wants to settle down and pop up a lot of babies are going to tie the knot after all these years of on-and-off cheap cliché soap opera. It looks like God himself approves of this marriage. The weather is perfect. The flower arrangement is elegant. The cello and the Yamaha keyboard are beautifully played in harmony. The church is crowded with excited and happily chatting guests. The groom's mother is trying all she can to stop her crazy mother-in-law from putting the infamous Eye on whoever wearing pink, and the bride's mother is all smile and happy tears.
The family and friends of both parties give a collective cheer as the tall, dark and extremely hairy groom walks to the alter with a big bright smile. Minutes later, the bride shows up in a lovely, respectable creamy wedding dress approved by both mothers. The quests then dutifully say "Wow!" at the same time as if they have never seen a more beautiful bride. 10 minutes later, the bride is officially married to the man who molested her and lots and lots of little girls in his father's dark dirty smelly garage when he was only 8. Everybody stands up and claps as the bride and groom walk down the aisle together as a couple, and row by row the guests follow the newly-wedded out of the church to see them off to their honeymoon. They smile heartily—some of the more sentimental old ladies start weeping—and wave goodbye to the happy couple.
The grinning groom gets in the driver's seat and turns the key, and ignites the car bomb placed by one of his precious Cupcake's crazy old skips and blows his brand new Ford Fiesta up into an insanely huge fireball. Yes, both of them die along with the car on the spot. But at least they die together, as husband and wife.
End of Day 1
~Till Death Do We Apart~
Chapter 2: DAY 2
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 2
The woman who finally, finally decides to settle down and pop up lots and lots of babies wakes up to a most powerful urge to cook something spicy for the very hairy man who molested her and hundreds and hundreds of innocent little girls in his father's dark dirty smelly garage when she was only 6. She jumps out of bed, runs out of the door, drives all the way to the weekend farmers' market, and comes back into the kitchen and immediately starts cooking.
The very hairy man looks on proudly with a big, happy smile. He always knows without a trace of doubt that she has it in her to become a most perfect and obedient housewife. Half an hour later, they sniff the heavenly aroma of the hot steaming wild mushrooms and tomato lasagna—his favorite dish of all time—in front of them, drool, and dig in. And all of a sudden, they grasp hold of their throats with both hands, make terrible choking noises, crumble to the floor, twitch, froth and convulse uncontrollably for a few second, and die at the same time.
Too bad the weekend farmer who sold her the wild mushrooms has no idea how to tell the world's most poisonous mushrooms from safe edible ones. But at least they die together, as future husband and wife.
End of Day 2
~In Sickness And In Health~
Chapter 3: DAY 3
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 3
The woman who suddenly decides she needs to settle down and start popping up babies like the Octopus Mom wakes up on a cloudy morning to a powerful urge to cook something tasty for the very, very hairy man who took her virginity and walked away with a smirk instead of "Thank you" or a backward glance. She jumps out of bed, runs out of the door, drives all the way to the nearest supermarket, and comes back into the kitchen and immediately starts washing and chopping.
The very, very hairy man looks on happily with a big proud smile. He always knows one day she will wake up from all her impossible and stupid dreams and embrace her true identity as a most obedient, traditional wife. He has every intention to keep her barefoot and pregnant for the rest of her life, and oh yes, he plans to start realizing his dream right after this hearty meal. His smile widens the moment she puts the large deep frying pan she just bought on the stove and pours in bottles of oil. She's making assorted deep-fried seafood and pizzas as main course and deep-fried Twinkies and TastyKakes as dessert. All his favorite!
They both frown in confusion as she turns on the stove and nothing happens. She tries several times but still can't light the stove, she turns to him for help but sees the dark, impatient look on his face instead. No. She would rather die than disappoint him. Frantically she throws open drawers after drawers and finally puts on a relieved smile as she finds a pack of matches. She knows he's hungry, so she immediately jumps into action and strikes a match. The lovely cozy two story house then erupts into a ultra huge fireball, and neither of them survives the fire.
Too bad they didn't know the gas line is leaking. But at least they die together, as would-be husband and wife.
End of Day 3
~In Joy And In Pain~
Chapter 4: DAY 4
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 4
She wakes up one day and hears the ancient calling. She gives in to her cave woman instinct and decides to take the path generations after generations of obedient and uncomplaining women took without questioning. It's her job to cook his meals. It's her duty to clean his house. It's her honor to wash, to iron, to mend and to fold his clothes. It's her life's meaning to take care of all his needs and pop out a baby every year. So she bows to his wishes. She quits her job. She forgets her dreams. She surrenders her freedom, lets go of her independence, and hands herself to him.
She smiles when he likes her pasta. She pales when he doesn't likes her cannoli. She apologizes when the babies disturb his sleep. She cooks his meals. She washes and iron and mend and fold his clothes. She cleans the house. She satisfies his needs. She pops out a baby every year. She pales when one night he says she's getting fat and unattractive. She apologizes when one morning he orders her to stop bothering him with everyday trifles and neighborhood gossips. She weeps when one afternoon he blames her for their children's wrong doings. She crumbles to the floor and cries her heart out when one dawn she finally, finally admits to herself that he has found someone else.
She thinks of her forsaken dreams. She thinks of the untaken path. She thinks of the life she didn't choose. She wants to regret her foolishness. She wants to turn back the clock. But, alas, it's too late now. Too late now.
End of Day 4
~To Love, Honour And OBEY~
Chapter 5: DAY 45
Day 4.5
*Alternate Ending*
She wakes up one day and hears the ancient calling. She gives in to her cave woman instinct and decides to take the path generations after generations of obedient and uncomplaining women took without questioning. It's her job to cook his meals. It's her duty to clean his house. It's her honor to wash, to iron, to mend and to fold his clothes. It's her life's meaning to take care of all his needs and pop out a baby every year. So she bows to his wishes. She quits her job. She forgets her dreams. She surrenders her freedom, lets go of her independence, and hands herself to him.
She smiles when he likes her pasta. She pales when he doesn't likes her cannoli. She apologizes when the babies disturb his sleep. She cooks his meals. She washes and iron and mend and fold his clothes. She cleans the house. She satisfies his needs. She pops out a baby every year. She pales when one night he says she's getting fat and unattractive. She apologizes when one morning he orders her to stop bothering him with everyday trifles and neighborhood gossips. She weeps when one afternoon he blames her for their children's wrong doings. She crumbles to the floor and cries her heart out when one dawn she finally, finally admits to herself that he has found someone else.
She thinks of her forsaken dreams. She thinks of the untaken path. She thinks of the life she didn't choose. She wants to regret her foolishness. She wants to turn back the clock. But, alas, it's too late now. Too late now...
Her whole body starts trembling as a sudden pang of pure boiling rage materializes out of nowhere and engulfs her heart. It shouldn't be like this. It's can't end like this. It's not supposed to end this way. They are meant to be together. They are meant for each other. They are the dream couple. They are a match made in Heaven. They are supposed to live happily ever after like in fairy tales and in cheap paperback romances. He molested her in his father's dark dirty smelly garage when she was but 6. He took her virginity and walked away with a smirk instead of "Thank you" or a backward glance when 10 years later. They trust, respect and love each other. They were bound in front of God. Nothing can ever taint this sacred union. Whoever tries to tear them apart shall face the wrath of God...
That night he comes home late and once again smells of another woman. He gulfs down his usual bedtime snack and goes upstairs to bed. They do not speak a word to each other. And in the dead of the night, the rat poison she added in the hot steaming wild mushrooms and tomato lasagna—his all-time favorite—finally works. She sits on her side of their bed calmly watching him roll around in pain, moan, twitch, froth and convulse uncontrollably for several long hours. She then smiles brightly when he finally dies in great pain at dawn.
He might not love her any more. But at least he died in front of her eyes, as her lawful husband.
End of Day 4.5
~To Love, Honour And OBEY? ? ?~
Chapter 6: DAY 5
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 5
He grows balder. She gets fatter. His breath smells like garlic. She snores more and more like a train. He stops paying attention to what she says. She never cleans under their bed. They no longer kiss goodbye in the morning. They always eat lukewarm takeout as dinner. He drinks his beer. She chews her pizza. They watch the Rangers' game in silence. Rex and Bob are both long dead. So are their grandmas and parents. He doesn't get the promotion and the pay raise. She doesn't really care. All she wants is being a mother. But he has nonobstructive azoospermia. And none of the treatments worked. They both don't want to adopt. They both don't want to change. So they spend the rest of their life together inside the lovely 2-story cozy house, in silence and boredom, as husband and wife, till the day Death comes and forces them apart.
And Death rolls His eyes as the one who stays alive and the one who gets to die do a happy dance and yell "Yay!" at exactly the same time...
End of Day 5
~Till Death Do We Apart, YAY!~
Chapter 7: DAY 6
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 6
It's the most unexpected Burg wedding of the century. People spill coffee, tea, Red Bull and Mountain Dew everywhere and choke on pancakes, cupcakes and oatmeal porridge upon hearing the surprising news. The man who owns the most hairy ass in Trenton and the woman who allows him to hook a finger in her collar to peek at her breasts by busy roadsides during rush hours in broad daylight are going to tie the knot? Today? WTH? WTF? And why the rush? OMG! She's not pregnant, is she?
It seems that God is pretty shocked, or rather annoyed, by this marriage. So He decides to add some fun and excitement to it. The weather is plain horrible. The sun hides himself behind heavy black clouds and wisely refuses to come out. The chilly howling wind and icy roaring rain simply won't stop. People start crossing themselves when sleet and hail fall from the scaringly foreboding dark sky. The flower arrangement is aiming at expensive and elegant but ends up cheap and tacky. The organist, cellist and violinist are caught up in car accidents and can't make it to the church in time. The bemused and frightened guests desperately pray the hairy groom's crazy grandmother will not try to put the Eye on them, while the bride's drunken mother starts singing loudly and out of tune Madonna's Like a Virgin and Papa Don't Preach. The family and friends of both parties wince and cringe inside as the tall dark and very, very, very hairy groom walks with a swagger to the altar. How come he looks more and more like an ape? They wonder. Minutes later, the smiling bride shows up in a creamy-white satin wedding dress, and the quests dutifully wow as if they have never seen a more stunning bride.
Just as the bride puts the platinum wedding ring on the man who molested too many innocent little girls in his father's dirty smelly garage when he was only 8, there comes a crack of thunder right above the church barely 0.5 second after a flash of lightning penetrates the stained glass windows and hits the hairy groom's ring. A blue ray of electricity runs through both the bride's and groom's bodies. People then gape and stare in stunned silence as both of them crumble to the floor, twitching, frothing and convulsing uncontrollably for a few second and finally become very still, and very dead.
Too bad they have to get struck by lightning and thus become a pair of burned black corpses on their own wedding day. And what sucks even more is that they have NOT been announced as husband and wife. And no, she's not pregnant. He has nonobstructive azoospermia, and, alas, it's incurable...
End of Day 6
~With This Ring I Thee Wed~
Chapter 8: DAY 7
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 7
She takes her wedding ring off her finger and gently places it on her palm. A gust of sweet night breeze dances through the half opened window of the 2nd floor bedroom and ruffles her wild brown curls. She fixes her ocean blue eyes on the ever so beautiful and expensive ring. A quiet smile blossoms like a red, red rose as she admires the twinkling diamond. It's from Harry Winston. He took a day off and made a special trip to New York just for it. She thinks of the nervous look on his movie star handsome face when he dropped onto his knee and proposed in front of everyone inside Pino's. She thinks of the love and happiness in his melted-chocolate eyes when she said yes. She thinks of their wedding. She thinks of their history. She thinks of their life together. She hears the front door open and her smile deepens the moment his familiar voice calls out, "Cupcake, I'm home."
Her smile doesn't falter when she pulls the trigger and empties the clip into his face and head when he shows up at the door and kills him on the spot. STD. She gave him her love. She gave him her trust. She gave him her hand in marriage. And he gave her STD. WTH? WTF? He so totally deserves it. Period.
End of Day 7
~For Better And For Worse~
Chapter 9: DAY 75
Day 7.5
*Alternate Ending*
He made a mistake. A foolish and drunk mistake. A mistake every married man in the world has or will one day make. It was just a moment of weakness. It was but a moment of bad judgment. It means nothing, really, he swears. It was an one-night stand and one-time affair. He loves her still and as always. He casts another nervous glance at the box of expensive French chocolates and the dozen of beautiful yellow roses in his hands. Both her favorites. She is his one and only Cupcake. She is the softness and sweetness of his day. She is the meaning and brightness of his night. She is his power, She is his strength. She is his destiny. She is his fate. She is the woman he loves. And she will someday become the mother of his beautiful children, all 6 of them, 3 boys and 3 girls, all with her blue eyes and curly hair...
He puts on his most charming and sincere smile and heads upstairs. Nothing a night of hot steaming wild animal sex can't fix. However, her smile doesn't falter when she pulls the trigger and empties the magazine into his heart and his Bob and boys when he shows up at the door and kills him on the spot. STD. She gave him her love. She gave him her trust. She gave him her hand in marriage. And he gave her STD. WTH? WTF? He so totally deserves it. Period.
End of Day 7.5
~For Better And For Worse~
Chapter 10: DAY 8
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 8
She holds her aching and pounding head in both shaking hands. Silently and desperately she looks upward pleadingly and says another prayer. Her poor mother hasn't woken up from her dead faint yet. 107 friends, 58 neighbors and countless relatives have already called. Right now even death looks more promising and appealing than public humiliation like this. Hot burning tears burst out of her eyes as she grabs her 5th bottle of Wild Turkey and gulps down the amber liquid. Finally, finally she loses it, and with a shrill heartbreaking wail rips open the peace and quiet of the tender summer night.
"Why Me?"
Now she realizes she's doomed. There will be no escape from her cursed fate. She will have to endure people's snickers and snorts and meaningful smiles for the rest of her damaged life. What has she done to deserve this? What has she done wrong? She cries like a lost child and asks herself. She just wants to have a life like everyone else. A typical Burg life. A standard and traditional life...
A nice and cozy 2-story house. A non-stop drooling dog. A copy of Cookbook For Dummies. A sexy little pink lace apron. A husband who molested her and millions and millions of little girls in his father's dark garage. A husband who took her virginity and walked away with an ugly smirk instead of "Thank you" or a backward glance. A husband who is as hairy as a gorilla but bald on the very top of his head. A husband who's currently developing a very promising beer-and-pizza belly. A husband who snores in his sleep. A husband who cheats on her. A husband who gives her STD. And now look at what she's got...
Yes, Joe always loved to give her surprise. Yes, Joe was planning something very special because his birthday was near. But tonight when she came home to find him in her hottest and sexiest blood red bra, thong, transparent nighty and 4 inches high heels, she just lost it and shot Joe in the head with his gun and killed him on the spot when he purred, "Please, Cupcake, call me Josephine."
End of Day 8
~In Good Times And In Bad~
Chapter 11: DAY 9
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 9
"I'm so...so sorry, please...please forgive me, Cupcake, please..."
She places a hand over her twitching eyes. His retching sobs are killing her. They are giving her a massive headache and driving her mad. She finally gets out of their bed and heads downstairs for a beer, a Coke, a leftover piece of pizza, a pack of half-eaten Tastykakes, anything, whatever that can keep her mind off her Hellish joke of a marriage.
"Why Me?" She turns on the TV and flips through the channels and asks herself.
Now she realizes she's doomed. There's no escape from this hateful, cursed fate. She will have to endure people's snickers and snorts and meaningful smiles for the rest of her damaged Goddamn life. What has she done to deserve this? What has she done wrong? She just wants to have a life like everyone else. A typical Burg life. A standard and traditional life...
A nice and cozy 2-story house. A copy of Cookbook For Dummies. A sexy cute little hot pink lace apron. A more-hairy-than-a-gorilla-but-bald-on-the-very-top-of-his-too-big-head husband who molested her and zillions and zillions of little girls in his father's dirty dark garage. A shameless husband who has bad breath and took hers and a lot of young girls' virginity and walked away with an ugly smirk instead of a "Thank you, Mam" or a backward glance. A husband who's developing a very promising beer-and-pizza belly. A husband who snores like a mutant pig and grinds his teeth in his sleep. A husband who cheats on her all the time. A husband who gives her all kinds of STDs. But now look at what she's got...
Oh, the disgrace! The shame! Right now even death looks much, much more promising and appealing than public humiliation like this! She wipes away her hot burning angry tears and calmly makes her decision. There's only one way to redemption. And he gives her no choice. She takes a deep, long breath, squares her shoulders, grabs his police-issued gun, goes back upstairs and shoots him dead.
"You had it coming, Joseph Morelli." With emotionless voice she says to his bloody dead body.
This lying rat bastard, this jerk, this piece of worthless shit, bought her the FAKE Harry Winston diamond wedding ring off a street vendor in the Bronx on the way to a Yankees game. And he had the nerve to tell everyone he's a die-hard Mets fan! He so totally deserves it! PERIOD!
End of Day 9
~To Honor And To Respect~
Chapter 12: DAY 10
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 10
"I'm so...so sorry, please...please forgive me, Cupcake, I just...I just can't keep on doing this...all these lies and pretending...I just can't..."
Stephanie Morelli places a hand over her twitching eyes. Joe's retching sobs are killing her. They are giving her a massive headache and driving her mad. She finally gets out of their bed and heads downstairs for a beer, a Coke, a leftover piece of pizza, a pack of half-eaten Tastykakes, anything, whatever that can keep her mind off her Hellish joke of a marriage.
Why me?
She turns on the TV, flips through the channels and asks herself. She knows she's doomed. This city LOVES rumours and all kinds of dirty little secrets. There will be no escape from this. She knows exactly what people will think. She knows exactly what people will say. She knows her father will have to unplug the phone. She knows her mother is going to faint. She knows she will have to endure gleeful snickers and snorts and meaningful smiles for the rest of her life. And she doesn't even know what she has done to deserve this. She just wanted to have a life like everyone else. She just wanted to grow up, settle down, get married, have a few kids, and then wait for Death to come. She just wanted to have a typical Burg life, a standard and traditional life all sensible and obedient women have. But now look at what she's got.
Oh, the disgrace! The shame! Right now even death looks much, much more promising and appealing than humiliation like this! She wipes away her hot burning angry tears and calmly makes her decision. There's only one way to redemption. And Joe gives her no choice. It's all his fault. She has every right to do this. She squares her shoulders, takes a deep breath to calm herself, grabs Joe's police-issued gun from the drawer, goes back upstairs, and shoots her liar of a husband dead.
"You had it coming, Joe Morelli." With emotionless voice Stephanie hissed to his bloody dead body. "You are a lying rat bastard. You are a shameless jerk. You are a piece of worthless shit. You bought me a FAKE Harry Winston diamond ring off a street vendor in the Bronx on the way to a Yankees game. You told everyone You were a die-hard Mets fan. You gave me STDs. And now you had the nerve to tell me you had been in love with Vinnie ever since the two of you first met and you wanted a divorce so that you could move in with him? How dare you? You so totally deserve it!"
End of Day 10
~To LOVE And To Cherish~
Chapter 13: DAY 11
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 11
She knows he has been cheating on her. She has known that for years. But truth be told, she doesn't mind that much now. It's really no big deal. All Morelli men are like this. And they have needs. She's only too grateful that Joe has never beaten her too badly. All her teeth are still intact, her nose hasn't been broken yet, her black eyes always disappear fast, and she knows just how to hide her bruises. Besides, she's the one to blame. It was all her fault. It always was, really. She shouldn't have upset him whenever he came home drunk in the middle of the night. She should have kept her mouth shut when he returned from a long day of tedious work or woke up with a hangover. She should have cooked the spaghetti al dente. She should have used fresh tomatoes and fresh basil. She should have put in extra garlic. She should have added a little more salt. She should have mopped the floor more frequently. She have ironed and fold his boxer shorts more perfectly. She should have been able to satisfy all his fantasies and desires. She have learned more new tricks in bed. And she should have been able to give him babies, a lot of babies...
Yes, she should be ashamed of herself. She should tear her hair out in sorrow and pain. He put that wedding ring onto her finger. He gave her a roof over her head. He's the one who took her virginity. He's the one who taught her how to play "choo choo". And she fails to bear him children! Oh, the disgrace! Oh, the shame! She can never be able to teach her daughters to follow boys into their fathers' garages. She can never be able to encourage her sons to sweet talk young girls out of their panties and then reveal all the delicious details on public bathroom walls.
Tears roll down Stephanie "Cupcake" Morelli's badly swollen bruised cheeks. Yes, Joe is right. Joe is always right. Always. Now death is her only salvation. She can't keep on disappointing everybody. She grabs hold of the police-issued gun Joe placed in her shaking hands before he left for the bar, points it at her head, and pulls the trigger and kills herself. She may never be a perfect wife, but at least she dies as a most obedient wife...and maybe when Joe comes home to find her cold dead body, he will smile his charming smile and tell her, "Proud of you, Cupcake."
End of Day 11
~Till Death Shall We Part~
Chapter 14: DAY 12
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 12
*Sequel to Day 11*
Stephanie's eyes shoot open. She can't stay here. She needs to go home to her Joseph. She needs to return to her lawfully wedded husband. She needs to be with her movie star handsome husband. She wants to drink in the laughter in those melted chocolate bedroom eyes. She wants to taste the smile on his supple sexy lips. She wants to devour his permanent 5 o'clock shadow. She wants to swallow him whole. It doesn't take long for her to break away from her confinement. She fights her way through the barriers. She staggers onward, with only one goal in mind. She has to go home as soon as possible. She must return to her husband. She is nothing but loyal and obedient. She stumbles and falters but keeps moving forward. She is a woman of determination. She is a woman with a mission. She has a hunger to tame. She has a thirst to quench. The dogs howl. The owls screech. The cats hiss. The rats scatter. But she just keeps on moving forward. She has only one goal. She wants, she needs, she craves for her husband. And home is not far ahead...
Joseph A. Morelli falls peacefully asleep. He smiles happily in his dream. Finally, finally, after 10 long years of childless marriage, he managed to get rid of the barren Stephanie. Now he can put a diamond on his young new love's hand, and she will start popping out babies, a bunch of little Morellis. He's going to be a daddy! He sighs a contented sigh, and waves at his running laughing kids and their beautiful attractive mommy...
Suddenly a sharp pain screams and pierces through Joe Morelli's dream. He jerks awake to the unbearable pain in his left hand and an ugly chewing sound. He almost faints at the smell of his own blood and something rotten. He blinks away his tears and sees the dark shape by the side of his bed. Desperately he tries to pull his hand free from the creature's clutches but to no avail. The clouds drift away from the moon and allows the pale silver moonlight to shine through his bedroom windows. Joe Morelli stares in terror at his greyish-green decomposing zombie of a dead wife who's now happily chewing his fingerless left hand. He wants to scream but no sound comes out. He wants to fight Stephanie off but finds no strength. He's simply way too scared. And thus he sits there dazedly while slowly and thoroughly the zombie who has only half a head left eats him alive...
"Cupcaaaaaake..." Stephanie "Cupcake" Morelli moans in pleasure as she sucks her husband's bone marrow and brain, "yuuuuuuuuuummy."
End of Day 12
~Together We May Be One~
Chapter 15: DAY 13
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 13
*Sequel to Day 12*
There must have been love. There must have been trust. There must have been understanding. There must have been acceptance. Or maybe it has always been a lie. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing, but a lie. A big fat lie. Lust pretended to be love. Dishonesty pretended to be trust. Everything else is wistful delusion. But it doesn't matter now. Not anymore. It's over. All over. Silence descends upon the lifeless house. Pale moonlight shines through the window panes. Everything is a mess. What is left is nothing but trash. And blood is everywhere. A badly chewed platinum men's wedding ring lies on the cold hard floor. A second-hand Rolex is half-hidden under a pile of sucked bones and puked-up hairballs. A bloody sock here. A torn boxer brief there. And the zombie once known as Bombshell Bounty Hunter is already gone...
She's out for a hunt. Her cheating abusive husband's flesh, brain, bone marrow and blood are, sadly, not enough. She now has a greater hunger to tame. She now has a a more urgent thirst to quench.
"Cupcake..." Stephanie Morelli moans.
"Cupcake..." Stephanie Morelli groans.
She sniffs sweet night air and lurches forward. A dog yelps and runs away. A rat squeaks in terror and runs down the drain. And she moves forward, without a backward glance.
"Cupcake..." Stephanie Morelli drools.
"Cupcake..." Stephanie Morelli stumbles and falters, but she keeps moving forward. "Yuuuuuuuum..."
End of Day 13
~Obedient, Faithful and Loving wife~
Chapter 16: DAY 14
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 14
*Sequel to Day 13*
The city is quiet. Too quiet. Silence is everywhere, and deafening. The smell of pain and fear is heavy in the still air. There is no sign of life behind all those torn doors and broken windows. Those who clapped their hands and heartily cheered when Joe Morelli and Stephanie Plum were officially announced as husband and wife are now all dead—eaten alive by the the invincible grayish green decomposing monster who came out of the darkness in lightning speed and went straight for their custard-like brains. They didn't even have the time or the strength to scream like the victims in zombie movies. They were simply too stunned and too scared by the horrible sight. And none of them thought of fighting back or doing anything to give their attacker a harder time. So one by one, just like racks after racks of sweet soft tasty cute cupcakes, they got eaten alive and died.
The zombie once known as Stephanie Plum or Morelli lurches forward aimlessly. She has accomplished what she came back to do. She's no longer hungry or thirsty, and now she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. She doesn't know what to do. She stops at a crossroad and looks ahead at the all too familiar 7-story building. She wants to blink but she now has no eyelids(she doesn't remember if it was a rat or several cockroaches that ate them when she was still buried 6 feet deep). She feels like crying but she now has no tears. Her remaining brain cells scream a name. A familiar name. A name that warms her zombie heart. A name that makes her wish life can just stop and restart. She made a foolish mistake years ago, chose the wrong path, got herself killed and became a zombie. And now there's no return...
She lets out a raspy crying-like moan, turns around, flees and disappears. And nobody ever hears of her, Stephanie "Cupcake" Morelli, the man-eating zombie.
End of Day 14
~Who Needs A Heart When A Heart Is Not Chewy~
Chapter 17: DAY 15
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 15
She looks at herself in the mirror and suddenly feels sick. She's a beautiful bride. She looks gorgeous in this creamy white satin dress. But her face is pale and her eyes as wild as a terrified deer's. She is going to get married for a second time in less than 12 minutes, and now she's nervous and nauseous. She chose the road a lot of women chose without blinking or thinking. She made her decision according to what a lot of people call "common sense" and "logic". She thinks of her parents' smile and tears. She thinks of her childhood dreams and wishes. She thinks of love, friendship and acceptance. She thinks of the man she's going to marry. She thinks of the history between them. She thinks of what they want and what they need. And she turns around and starts running like Paradise is on fire. She can hear wind laughing in her ears. She can feel sunlight raining on her skin. And she keeps running. Straight forward. Without a backward glance.
You can really haul ass in those heels. The memory will give me sleepless nights for a long time.
She recalls the hint of a smile in his voice. She recalls the nights they spent together. She recalls the heat radiating off his body. She recalls the beating of her heart and the whisper of her soul. She knows she made a terrible mistake. She knows she picked the wrong path. She knows she was being stupid. She knows she was being weak and lazy. She knows she should've listened to her bleeding heart. She knows she should've learned to think with her rusty brain. She knows she should've been smart, should've been tough, should've been brave and resilient, should've known nothing is worse than settling for anything less than the best. She keeps on running straight ahead without a backward glance.

And she hopes it's not too late.
End of Day 15
~What's Love But A Second Hand Emotion~
*To Be Continued*
Chapter 18: DAY 16
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 16
He smiles his biggest brightest smile and waits for the time to arrive. He's going to get married, for the very first time in his life, to the woman he thinks and believes he truly loves. He already has a dog. He already has a house. What he has to do now is get a wife and father his own child. His dream will then be realized and he'll be like everyone else. He's not a pervert. He's no child molester. He was just a naughty teenager. He was just a curious innocent boy. He's average and ordinary. He's perfectly normal. He's not like his father, uncles, brother, and cousins. He's entitled to happiness. He has beaten the Morelli Curse.
He looks into the mirror and grins at himself. The breeze is gentle. The sky is blue. He looks movie star charming and handsome in his brand new tuxedo. He has finally got the girl. He waits for the knock to come. He feels like dancing all the way to the altar. He imagines the softness and warmth of her hand. He pictures the moment he slipping the rose gold diamond ring onto her ring finger. He will get the pay raise and promotion. Every night at 6 o'clock sharp she will serve him dinner. Al dente pasta. Chopped tomatoes. Extra garlic and fresh basils. They will live happily ever after. He looks at his watch and smiles and waits. 12 minutes to go. And he will be the happiest man on the surface of the soil...
He hears a door bang against a wall. He hears high heels running down the hall. He hears someone calling "Stephanie!" in pure panic. He hears the woman he can't wait to marry tearing out of the chapel. His smile freezes. His blood boils. He turns away from the mirror and runs after her. He's here to be married in front of witnesses. He would rather die than be humiliated. He's not going home empty-handed. He runs and runs and runs. He is much faster than she is. He comes closer and closer and closer. He can almost smells her rose-scented perfume. He can almost grasp hold of her loosened wild curls. 10 seconds, give him 10 seconds and she will be his. Anger blurs his eyes. Indignation blocks his vision.
He never sees the 18-wheeler coming.
She doesn't stop when tires screech and people start screaming. She just keeps on running straight ahead without a backward glance. And hopes it's not too late.
End of Day 16
~What's Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It~
*To Be Continued*
Chapter 19: DAY 17
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 17
Her feet hurt. Her lungs ache. And she keeps on running. She doesn't know when she has started crying. Her hair is a mess. Her makeup is ruined. And now her nose is running too. But she doesn't feel or notice a thing. She can only hear the sound of her heart throbbing and her frantic silent praying. Please. Please don't leave me. Please. I'm so sorry. Please. I was being stupid. Please. I was not thinking. Please. I made a mistake. Please. Please give me another chance. Please. Please don't say you no longer love me in your own way. Please. Please don't tell me it's too late. Please. Please don't let go and move on without me. Please...Please...
The heel of her wedding shoe suddenly snaps. She loses her balance and sprains her ankle. She falls heavily to the ground and gasps. She tries to stand back up and can't. She's 6 blocks away from the man she now knows she truly loves. She tries and fails again. Panic and despair sink in. Reality comes back and slaps her hard in the face. Her ankle is already swollen. She's tired, exhausted and in great pain. She doesn't have a phone. She has no one to call. She needs to see him. She needs to tell him. She wants, for once, to be true and honest to him and to herself. She can't stay here. But she's stuck here. And now all she can do is cry her heart out...
Stop whining. Woman up and give it another try. She blinks back her tears and tells herself. We can't afford to lose time now.
She spends a minute to collect herself. She takes off her shoes and braces herself. She struggles and struggles and finally gets back on her feet. She inhales a deep breath and very slowly drags herself forward. Each step hurts like Hell. But she keeps limping straight ahead without a backward glance. She knows people are staring. But she doesn't care. He's only 6 blocks away. And she wants him, needs him, loves him too much to give up now.
5 blocks.
4 blocks.
3 blocks.
2 blocks.
1 block left.
And now she's here.
End of Day 17
~If Your Love Grows As Your Heart Chose~
*To Be Continued*
Chapter 20: DAY 18
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 18
The sun disappears behind the clouds. The sky darkens. and the wind grows cold. She stands there shaking from exhaustion and sudden helplessness. She looks like a bride from Hell. And she no longer has his keys. She gave them back to him. Via Fedex. Months ago. She looks at the heavy steel gate to the underground garage and feels timid. What is she going to tell him? Does she deserve a second chance? Will he want to know why she is here? What if he doesn't want her? What if he's not even here? Doubt and fear clench at her heart and whisper in her ears. She stands there shaking. She's cold, tired, thirsty, uncertain, and lonely. There's no turning back now. Softly and numbly she finally tells herself. What is done can't be undone. She will have to face whatever waits ahead for her no matter what.
The gate slides open on its own accord. She hesitates a bit and slowly limps in. The gate closes behind her. Everything is quiet. There's no one in sight. It's the first time she literally walks in here. She thinks of all her blown up cars. She thinks of all the cars he lent her. She thinks of his badass truck. She thinks of his BMWs and Mercedes. She thinks of his Boxster. She thinks of his Cayenne. She thinks of his 911 Turbo. She thinks of him. She hears the elevator ding. She looks up and sees him. She stops where she is. She has no idea what to say to him. Her heart is full of anxiety and worry. Her brain is empty. He looks just the same. As perfect as in her memory. She can't decipher the look in his eyes. She smells a subtle hint of Bvlgari. It reminds her of the time they spent together in the shower. She's afraid of what he's going to tell her. The silence seems to last forever. Then he comes toward her. Casts a look at her dirty bare feet. Picks her up bridal style. And carries her all the way into his 7th floor apartment.
No word is needed.
End of Day 18
~Every Cupcake Story Has A Babe Ending~
Chapter 21: DAY 19
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 19
Her stomach growls. The gunshot wound on her butt hurts. She has just killed a man. For the very first time in her life. In self defense. And she still isn't sure how she feels. Is she supposed to feel guilty? Is she supposed to feel uneasy? Is she supposed to feel relieved? Is she supposed to break down? Is she suppose to cry? She looks down at her hands. No. They are not shaking. She looks up and focuses her eyes on the spot where the man who'd tried to kill her got shot and died. No. She doesn't feel nauseous or sick. She closes her eyes and thinks hard for a while, and decides that she doesn't regret what she did. It wasn't her fault. She prefers life to death. And she was just trying to save herself.
Her stomach growls again and she frowns. Where the Hell is Pino's delivery guy? She's starving. She wants her pizza. Now. She's about to pick up her phone and make a complaint call when a knock comes from the front door. She fishes a couple bills out of her shoulder bag and looks out of the peephole. Hot spicy cheesy pizza. And something else. She leaves the safety chain on and unlocks the door and looks straight into the grinning face of the all too familiar hairy man. She knows why he's here. She's glad he's here. Without a word she smiles and crooks a finger at him. Without hesitation he leans closer toward her and his grin deepens. And in lightning speed she raises the gun in her hand and shoots the rat bastard right in his face.
She's Stephanie Plum, a female rookie bounty hunter in her late 20s. She, like most Jersey girls, knows how to hold grudges, and she'll ALWAYS remember the arrogant cocky smile on Joe Morelli's face when he trashed her apartment and cuffed her naked to her shower curtain rod. Till the day she dies.
End of Day 19
~Payback's A Bitch~
Chapter 22: DAY 20
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 20
She wakes up completely entangled with Ranger. She raises herself on her arms and looks down into his dark brown eyes. His hands feel warm and gentle on her waist. He smells so good. And she simply loves everything, EVERYTHING, about him. It's now or never. She whispers to herself, and makes a brave decision. She kisses his neck and his bare shoulder. Her fingers skim across his muscled torso. She kisses his perfect lips. Their tongues touch. Then her mouth moves lower and lower… and lower...
She freezes in mid kiss.
She didn't hear the lock tumble. But she knows someone's at her door. Don't ask her how. She just knows it. She moves off Ranger, slips out of bed, puts on his black T-Shirt, and starts for the door. The front door to her apartment opens, and the chain catches with a snap. There's a moment's silence, and then Morelli's voice sounding impatient.
"Cupcake?"
She looks at Joe Morelli over the chain. His melted chocolate eyes travel to her bare thighs and stay there. She knows why he's here. She's glad he's here. Without a word she smiles and crooks a finger at him. Without hesitation he leans closer toward her and his lusty grin deepens. And in lightning speed she raises the gun in her hand and shoots the rat bastard right in his face. She slams the door close, locks the locks, and returns to Ranger.
She's not really a violent person. But she does has limitation. And she doesn't like to be disturbed when she's in the middle of, well, you know.
End of Day 20
~Love Love Love I Want Your Love~
Chapter 23: DAY 21 The End
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 21
She looks into the mirror and stares at her bruised cheek and swollen lips. Her whole body aches. And her left eye is blackened, too. She's only 22 years old. But she looks battered and beaten and tired and old. She wishes she can cry. She has no strength for tears. She thinks of all the shattered plates and cups and overthrown furniture. She's simply glad he didn't break her bone or crack her rib. She told the doctor and the nurse she tripped and fell, as usual. She knows they didn't believe it. She also knows they won't do anything about it. This is the Burg, after all. Everyone knows each other. And no one wants to mind other people's business. Besides, it was her fault, as always. She failed to please her husband. He was entitled to teach her a lesson. That's one of the many unspoken rules of the family. His family.
She thought she could tame him. She thought she could change him. She thought her love and patience would be enough. But she was wrong. He's still a drunkard. He's still a chain smoker. He's still rude to her friends and parents. And he didn't stop hitting her when she screamed that she was pregnant. He's not an animal. He's not a bad person. He was just under too much stress and pressure. He was just too drunk to listen. She still loves him. But now she has no choice but to leave him. She can't risk the life of her baby. The little life inside her deserves a chance to real happiness.
Angie wipes away her tears and calls the women's shelter. She's still going to name the baby Anthony if it is a boy. She prays her first child will not grow up and become a man like his father. 11 months later. Anthony Morelli, Angie's movie star handsome husband, gets himself killed in a bar brawl. Angie and her son Anthony never return to Trenton.
And Joe Morelli is never born.
The End
~There're No Such Things As Cupcake Stories, Babe~
Chapter 24: DAY 145 Bonus Chapter
~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 14.5
*Bonus Chapter*
Ranger pulled the trigger, sent the bullet through the weeping zombie's brain, watched her fall apart and silently sighed.
"Babe,"
End of Day 14.5
~Everybody Loves Zombies~
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