Autumn Leaf

Autumn Leaf

Ranger makes a life-changing decision that alters both his and Stephanie's futures.

Genre: Drama/Angst
Published: 03-03-12, Updated: 03-03-12
Chapters: 3, Words: 998

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Chapter 1: Withering

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Withering

She's like a bird, a homing bird. She wants to fly, but always returns to her starting point. She wants to try, to taste, to feel whatever exciting and new in life, but never ever really opens her arms to change. She wants to break away from all her restraints, but ties herself to her old habits and old routine. She wants to broaden her horizon, but locks herself firmly in comfortable pattern and familiar environment. She's like a fragile rose living inside a glass greenhouse. She clings to her roots as tightly as she can, and thus won't be able to survive on strange, foreign soil. She never matures. She never grows up. She never faces her predicament and womans up. And that is why he's giving her up. Or should he say "freeing" her from her impossible dream and irresponsible desire. He's has had enough.

He has a company to run. He has employees to nurture. He has obligations to fulfill and duties to keep. He has a heart that beats. He has a soul that feels. And he doesn't share his love. Not like this. She's the woman he loves. She's the woman he cherishes. She's more than a mere loving amusement and noble priority. But he knows she will never open her eye to see the truth and admit it. She will never choose. She will never decide. She will only keep on throwing her life away fooling around and jumping between beds in the years to come. And he doesn't want a life like this. He doesn't need a woman like this. He's tired. He's exhausted. He knows he deserves more than this. So he makes up his mind for the three of them and walks away.
Without a backward glance.

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Chapter 2: Falling

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Falling

She sheds no tears.

She wishes she can. She tries her might to. But they, just like every other little thing in her life, refuse to obey. She knows she shouldn't be surprised. She knows this day will finally come. But still. The pain and the loss are way too much. She wants to scream. She wants to shout. She wants to yell. She want to screech like a mad woman and pull out her hair. But she also knows for a fact that she can't even complain. She is the one who made the mistake. She is the one to blame. She is the one who couldn't choose. She is the one who didn't decide. She is the one who wasted her life away. She is the one who slept with two men. And there's always, always a price to pay.

And now she's going to lose him, just like that. He's about to walked out of her life. Without a backward glance. No. She can't let him leave her. She doesn't want to lose him. Not like this. Not like this. She needs his help. She needs his guidance. She needs his friendship. She needs his company. She needs his smile. She needs his frown. She needs his love. She wants his love. With or without a condom. With or without a ring. She doesn't want to lose him. She can't afford to lose him. She doesn't know how to live without him. She doesn't know if she can survive without him. She needs him. She wants him. She needs to have him in her life. She needs to have him by her side...

But she also wants Joe Morelli...she always wants Morelli...she always goes back to Morelli...she never says no to Morelli...

So she sits there in silence watching him leave. She wants to wail. She wants to cry. But once again her tears choose to rebel against her. Like her broken heart.

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Chapter 3: Dying

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Dying

Everything is so quiet. People are being so nice. Life is so peaceful and so full of routines. She knows she should be happy. She knows she should be contented. Now that her dilemma is finally solved. She sleeps with Morelli. She fights with Morelli. She buys Boston Cremes. She eats Tastykakes. She feeds her somehow still alive hamster. She blows up cars. She runs after skips. She gets stunned and thrown into dumpsters. She lives on her mother's leftovers and let her do all the laundry. She keeps on believing her heart is not at all shattered and her soul is definitely not empty. She keeps on telling herself she doesn't miss him. But still this city feels like a ghost town buried alive deep in a scorching desert. She sleeps with Morelli. She fights with Morelli. She doesn't know if she wants to get married. She isn't sure if she'll ever want to have a baby. She can't decide if she needs to quit bounty hunting. She wonders if she really needs to start learning cooking. She doubts if she enjoys cleaning. She sleeps with Morelli. She fights with Morelli. She lives her life. She pays her rent. She eats her meals. She sleep in her and Morelli's beds. She has sex with Morelli. She then fights with Morelli. She has no idea if she truly loves Morelli or if it's just an old habit. She never grows up. She never matures. She never learns. She never ages. She never thinks. She never feels. She never loves. She never tries. She never lives. She sleeps with Morelli. She fights with Morelli. She then spends the rest of her life just like this. Like a robot in a third-rate sci-fi movie. Till her world crumbles. Till her universe comes to its ending. And she never lives. Never lives.

She's dead from the beginning.

~The End~