Monday, May 21, 2012

Nonsense Nineteen


Nonsense Nineteen

The Goddess of Fate is royally angered by Book 18 and decides to intervene. But, is She too late?
 
Genre: Angst/Romance
Published: 11-22-11, Updated: 02-08-12
Chapters: 26, Words: 10,122

Chapter 1: So You Favor Him, Huh?

Oracle 1: So You Favor Him, Huh?

"Get out." He says through tightly clenched teeth.

She looks up at him in wide-eyed bewilderment. He pulls her up roughly from the couch and pushes her toward the door. "I've had enough of all your fucking disasters and pickles in peanut butter. Now get out of my house and my life and go ask that fucking crazy bastard to take you back!" And just like that, he throws her out of his house into the cold winter night. He doesn't know why, but all his love for the woman he's been planning to marry for years just suddenly dies in a snap of Fate's fingers.

He can hear her shaking voice calling his name and crying. But he is way beyond caring. He gives a disgusted look at his messy kitchen. Who wants to marry a woman who's only good in bedroom and knows nothing about cleaning and cooking? The big orange dog used to be hers claws at the door and whines. "You know what buddy? I'm tired of you and all your chewing up my furniture and shoes too." He grabs the dog by the collar and throws it out to the woman shivering and crying at his front door and slams the door shut and locks it firmly.

She stands in the cold midnight air feeling desperate. She has listened to her Great Creator and followed Her Sacred Order to choose this man. And now he has thrown her out like a bag of garbage. She crumbles to the ground, holding the whimpering dog with both arms. She has no place to go and no one to turn to. She has given up her apartment months ago. And she has told him "It wouldn't be good for either of us if we keep seeing each other." and given back the key to his garage gate and 7th floor apartment. She stands up and starts walking, staring into the quiet empty street ahead but sees nothing.


Chapter 2: Let's See How Wrong You Can Be, Shall We

Oracle 2: Let's See How Wrong You Can Be, Shall We?

She walks on, trying all her might not to look back, with her heart aching. The dog follows her quietly with its bushy tail between the legs. So much for wanting to grow up, settle down and start a family. So much for choosing the right man and grow old with him. She wipes away a bitter tear. One minute you have a handsome sexy caring man who took your virginity when you were 16 and his promise to your future happiness. The next minute you end up wandering alone on the chilly midnight street after being kicked out by him. What's the problem with she? Has she done something wrong? No. She has done nothing but everything he wants and wishes.

She has gotten ready to find a decent job, to learn to cook and clean, and has already cut all the ties with the other man in her life no matter how much she lusts and craves for that perfect muscular Mocha Latte body and the cold non-existing heart. There's no future between them. She just knows it. He's nothing but a crazy bastard who never gives a damn to moral regulations and laws. He's nothing but a cold-blooded, calculating mercenary. He only ever wants sex without strings. He doesn't do stupid things like marriage, babies and relationship. He's not Burg. He's not Italian. She'll never be more than a loving amusement and never his priority. And his love comes with condoms instead of a ring.

She walks on. She has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Her tears keep falling down on the silent cold street.


Chapter 3: Just Open Your Freaking Eyes and You'll

Oracle 3: Just Open Your Freaking Eyes and You'll See

"Have a good life." Just four soft, quiet, emotionless words. That's all he said when she went to see him for the last time and to return his key. No Babe. No Stephanie. No soul-melting open-your-eyes-now-and-see-my-love-please kiss. If she were to be honest with herself, she would admit that she's been feeling lost and empty ever since the moment she stepped out of his serene 7th floor apartment door in heartbroken tears. But, alas, she 's the indisputable Queen of Denial. So she just crawled back immediately into the familiar bed of the other man in her life, and tried all her best to forget the pair of beautifully cool midnight dark brown Cuban eyes in hot steaming Italian animal sex.

A noble priority. That's all she means to him. He didn't drop everything and fly to Hawaii when she called because he loves her. He didn't engage himself in that stupid fist fight in the hotel because he loves her. He never once stops her from returning to her extremely unhealthy fiasco of a relatinship because he NEVER loves her. She's nothing to him. She's nothing but a fucking noble priority. She wipes away those angry tears blocking her view but they stubbornly keep on coming. She sniffs and keeps on walking. She looks ahead and doesn't see anything.

The big orange dog turns its head and wiggles its tail. The man in the sleek black Porsche parked in a dark lane gets out of the car and comes over across the street silently.


Chapter 4: Sometimes Love Gets Tired

Oracle 4: Sometimes Love Gets Tired 

He doesn't know why he bothers. She's no longer his obligation. But he keeps on walking silently and swiftly toward the weeping staggering woman. Does he still love her in his own way? He's not sure. How can you love without reservation a woman who always comes to you for help but crawls straight back into another man's bed immediately afterward, no matter how much you do for her? But he still loves her, and wants and needs to keep and see her safe, even if that means she'll be sleeping with the cop. Maybe that's mainly because he's sick mentally and emotionally. But now he's disgusted and tired. With himself or her? He has no idea. He doesn't know what she's doing out here in the dark cold winter night alone with a dog that can't even scare off a rat. But still he'll drive them back into the cop's embrace. Because that's the right thing to do. Yes, moral code can be a real bitch.

He wraps his hand around her arm and pulls her to a stop gently. She doesn't flinch or scream. He knows that's because she knew it was him, as always. He takes off his coat and put it around her shaking body. She bites her lower lip and lowers her head, refusing to meet his eyes and saying nothing.

"I'll give you both a ride back home." He says softly.

She stiffens at his words. They stand in uncomfortable silence for a long moment. The dog comes closer, looking up at him and whimpers as if pleading. It looks hungry, lost and scared. Suddenly he realizes what must have happened. "He threw you out?" He doesn't feel angry or anything. He knows this day will be coming. But it's much sooner than he expects. She hesitates but finally gives him a little nod. Without further words he takes her across the street to his car and quickly drives away.


Chapter 5: Do You Even Know What He Really Wants, B

Oracle 5: Do You Even Know What He Really Wants, Babe?

What does a man like him really want in his future wife? Great sex is clearly not enough, even if it sometimes comes with free beer, pizzas, meatball subs and doughnuts. He's from a traditional family in a traditional neighborhood. He may shrug and tell you with his charming smile that he has no problem living on Chinese take-outs, TV dinners and leftovers from your mom's dinner table. But sometimes, when he's shocked awake by your snoring in the middle of the night, he will look up at the ceiling and try all his might to ignore the aching longing in his heart for a woman who knows how to wash, iron and fold all his boxer shorts, to clean up the messy bathroom after her shower, to cook hot cheesy tasty pastas, and who doesn't snore.
All the moms with sharp, experienced eagle eyes in the neighborhood know what kind of men he really is as well as what knid of women he really wants. So they cross themselves whenever they see the young woman who blows up cars instead of popping out babies go into his two story house and stay the night. For they know these two are never meant to be. She's not destined to be the kind of women a traditional man needs. He's going to be tired of her one day when he finally realizes what he really wants. And now his most threatening competitor is gone. They know the young woman will soon lose some or even most of her appeal.
"Why don't you ladies just kick the poor girl out of the way and keep this handsome, highly praised police detective for your own daughters?" Some innocent soul may ask. "He has a friendly dog, a lovely house, a steady income and a promising future. He's such a catch and a keeper!"

But the moms just laugh and exchange meaningful looks with each other. They all know too much about the reputation of his family. And they are also quite familiar with his personal history. No. They definitely don't want this man to become the father of their grandchildren. Take a look at his elder brother and cousins. Then imagine the picture of him luring little girls into his father's dark garage, sweet talking teenage girls out of their panties and then leaving her high and dry. Oh they know how hard he fights the Morelli Curse. But just like a leopard can't change its spots, some men may never change. No rational mother in this neighborhood will ever let him put a ring on their precious daughters. Because no mother will ever let her child take that risk.


Chapter 6: Finally in the Batcave But Too Late?

Oracle 6: Finally in the Batcave But Too Late?

"I can't sleep." She says nervously in a tiny little voice from his bedroom door.

He looks at her for a brief moment and tilts his head slightly at the empty space on the king size bed beside him. She comes over and climbs in the unfamiliar bed quickly. She longs to snuggle closer into his arms and rest her aching head on his chest. Listening to his steady heartbeat while inhaling his beautiful scent always helps her sleep. But now something between them has already changed. She doesn't dare cross the invisible line. He just keeps on reading the hadrcover book and says nothing. She fidgets a little. She's dying to know the title of the book he's reading. She's dying to know why he took her here. She's dying to know if this place is the Batcave.

Yes, she knows all along that he doesn't share. But that didn't stop her from falling back into the familiar comfortable old pattern and sleeping with Morelli again, again, and again after what happened in Joyce's closet. No wonder he was cold and distant the next time they saw each other. He knew. Of course he knew. He's Batman. He knows everything. Everything. She wants to jump on top of him and shake him and yell at him that he's the one responsible for her unhealthy relationship. He allowed it to grow too strong to beat by sending her back to Morelli after their first night together so what did he expect? But somehow, deep down within her broken heart, she knows he did that only because she'd let go of him and told him "I can't do this" that fatal morning.

She turns to sleep on her side facing away from the man she suddenly realizes she has never stopped loving. She closes her eyes and curses her fate. She may finally come to the Batcave but now everything is too late. He's so close to her but too far away.


Chapter 7: Owner of a Lonely or Broken He

Oracle 7: Owner of a Lonely or Broken Heart?

She came home to find Rex dead. Her furry little pet, now cold and still and stiff, lay alone on the bottom of the glass aquarium. She fished out her phone with unsteady hand, put her finger on the speed dial button and suddenly froze. Now she had no right to call him any more. The phone slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor and she soon followed. Just like in soap operas, she wanted to cry but no tears came. She simply didn't have that much strength. The sadness and loneliness were too much to bear. She sat on the floor in her dark kitchen, listening to the sound of her heart shattering into thousands of tiny pieces and then jerks awake.

She's back in the all too familiar warm embrace with her face burying in his neck. It is still dark outside. The rain is pounding on the window panes and a phone is ringing. His arms tighten around her for a second before he reaches for his phone and starts talking into it softly. She closes her eyes, inhaling in his scent, and is almost asleep when he shakes her gently. "Babe, you need to call your father right now."


Chapter 8: It's a Small World, After All

Oracle 8: It's a Small World, After All

It begins to rain cats and dogs. And now little old Mrs. Paccino is really worried. Her dear husband Roberto died of heart attack last year, so she lives all alone in this cozy two story house. She likes to watch late night talk shows and loves even more to see the young couple living just across the street fight with each other. They do that all the time. But what happened earlier this night isn't right. She can't believe that nice looking police detective just threw out the girl and the dog like that. It is such a chilly night, and the poor girl didn't even have a heavy coat on. She takes one last look at all those bags of the girl's belongings scattered on the young man's front lawn. No, it is definitely not right for a man to treat a woman this way. She has to do something. With a determined look in her bright green eyes, she hobbles to the phone and called the Plum residence.

Stephanie lost her phone (along with her keys, mascara, lip gloss, stungun, handcuffs, driver's license, some cash and a half-eaten doughnut and the whole shoulder bag) when her crappy car blew up yesterday. And Morelli is not answering his phones. Helen and her mother start calling Valery and Stephanie's friends. Frank grabs his car key and runs out of the door. He drives all the way to Morelli's place and his blood runs cold at the sight of all his daughter's rain soaked shoes and clothes. He jumps out of his car and pounds on that little bastard's door.
All the people of the street are startled awake by the loud banging, shouting and cursing. Some of them call the police immediately. Two uniform cops soon arrive and try half-heartedly to hold back a furious Mr. Plum. They want to punch that cold-blooded bastard themselves badly. What kind of jerk will kick his girlfriend and his own dog out into such a cold winter night? In Mr. Plum's car, his cell phone finally stops ringing. Less than two minutes later, a shining black SUV parks behind the police car and a huge muscular man with a snake tattoo on his forehead gets out. He walks into the house, easily pries Frank Plum off Morelli and hands the older man a cell phone. He nods at the two cops briefly, stares at Morelli with cold expressionless eyes for a moment longer than comfortable, and leaves as quietly as he came after Frank finishes his conversation with Stephanie and hands back the phone.

Little old Mrs. Paccino watches the big man in black get in the SUV and drive away. She gives herself a relieved smile. Now she's sure the girl and the big orange dog are safe, she can finally go to bed.


Chapter 9: Love is a Complicated Thing

Oracle 9: Love Is a Complicated Thing

Stephanie assures her crying mother for the last time that she's safe and ends the call. It doesn't take long for her headache to return. She's pretty sure some of her clothes and most of her shoes are ruined, and she has no idea how to replace them. She doesn't have too much money in her bank account. Although she didn't have to pay any rent after moving into Morelli's house, she had to pay her share of the living expenses and buy one crappy car after another. No more sleek black cars popped out of thin air at her door. No more trackers disguised as pens or lip glosses materialized in her shoulder bag. No more huge muscular intimidating backups clad in black came to the rescue whenever she was in trouble. Just like what she asked. She still remembers clearly the indecipherable look in Ranger's eyes when she told him to stop tracking her and giving her any help before walking out of his door that day. But she knew there was always a tracker on her car. Because from time to time, she would catch a glimpse of the black SUV discreetly following her around the unsafe parts of the city. But she lost her last tracker when that crazy FTA blew up her car yesterday. Now there's no more link between she and Ranger.

She sat down on the couch beside her snoring dog and looks around the living room. Everything is plain, simple but tasteful. She'd love to stay and explore the whole house. She knows he'll send her and Bob back to her parents' first thing in the morning. And then they'll keep on living their separate lives. But still she dreams for the impossible. She yawns and closes her tired eyes. She's more exhausted than she realizes. Gradually she falls sound asleep, and doesn't even stir when the man in her dream comes over and gently carries her back into his bedroom.


Chapter 10: Do We Really Deserve A Second Chance?

Oracle 10: Do We Really Deserve A Second Chance?

Stephanie wakes up alone on Ranger's side of the bed, feeling warm and safe. The rain has stopped sometime shortly before dawn, but the sky is still heavily cloudy. She stretches and yawns lazily, and soon finds her old RangeMan uniforms, panties and bras included, inside a black duffle bag on one of the two armchairs in the bedroom. Her fingers linger on the clothes she left in the 7th floor apartment for a long moment before she finally goes into the spacious bathroom for a hot, long shower. No, still no bathtub for Ranger. She reaches out for his Bvlgari and her hand falters. She remembers she never once asks him what he meant by "I love you in my own way". She blinked a few times, braces herself, and takes holds of the bottle firmly. Forget it. It doesn't matter any more. Again Stephanie tells herself. But she knows, as always, she's just lying.

She joins Ranger at the table and they eat breakfast in silence. She scarfs down the still lukewarm whole wheat blueberry pancakes and is seriously tempted to lick her plate. She has been missing Ella's cooking like crazy. The big orange dog has already gulped down a bowl of unseasoned boiled vegetables and dry dog food, and is now sitting beside the table, happily thumping its brush of a tail against the floor. All the furnitures in the living room are intact without one single teeth or claw mark on them. A small smile creeps on Stephanie's face. Both human beings and animals tend to be on their best behavior around Ranger. Her thoughts drift to the half destroyed counch in Morelli's living room, and Morelli's anger-contorted face pops into her mind suddenly.

She recalls what happened eight and a half hours ago and feels like throwing up. She quickly takes a deep breath to calm herself, and then erases all the unpleasant memories from her mind. She knows she'll have to face the ugly reality eventually, but now she's really not yet ready to deal with it. She doesn't want to go back to her parent's house to be surrounded by endless, merciless gossips and rumours. She doesn't want to step into Pino's or any other places to come face to face with Joseph Morelli. She wants to hide from all those watchful eyes. She wants to hide from the outside world. She just wants to stay here. With Ranger. But she knows that's nothing more than an impossible dream. She looks up from her empty plate as the familiar soft composed voice snaps her out of those painful thoughts.

"You can stay here if you don't want to move back with your parents." Her tears start to fall.
Ricardo Carlos Manoso gently gathers Stephanie Plum into his arms. All of a sudden he feels like sighing. He has no idea why he loves this weeping woman so deeply. Maybe he's really sick. Both mentally and emotionally. He tightens his arms around her shaking body. And finally lets out a sigh.


Chapter 11: The Bridge of No Return

Oracle 11: The Bridge of No Return

Ranger knows he's deeply in love and probably sick. He is also aware of the fact that he doesn't always know everything. Is Stephanie still in love with Morelli? Will she try to go back to Morelli this time? Can a woman with sanity really fall in love with the man who molested her? Can a woman with sanity really fall in love with the man who took her virginity and then broadcasted it to the whole world by writing dirty poems about her on public bathroom walls? Can woman with sanity really fall in love with the man who never supports or respects her right to make her own choices about her life? He honestly doesn't know the answers to those questions.

She can't stop fighting with Morelli. She can't stop going back to Morelli. Her guilt and obsession with Morelli are almost irrational and crazy. Maybe she's a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe she's a victiom of her own twisted version of Virgin Complex. Maybe she's sick, both mentally and emotionally, just like him. Maybe they should both go see a shrink and get some professional help.

He still has no idea what made him leave his 7th floor apartment to drive through the cold dark Trenton last night. He still has no idea what brought him to that empty deserted street to find her. Was it luck? Was it chance? Or was it fate? He may never know the answer. But the only thing Ranger is sure about is: what he and Stephanie now have between them is even more fragile than a newborn baby. If she once again chooses to go back to Morelli, all his love for her will die completely, and he'll cut her from his life forever.

He's just human, and he does have his limitation. He may be deeply in love and more than probably sick, but he's never stupid.


Chapter 12: No Remorse, Whatsoever

Oracle 12: No Remorse, Whatsoever
 
Everyone in Pino's freezes the moment Valerie's open palm smacks into Joseph A. Morelli's already bruised face. Saint Valerie, Stephanie Plum's elder sister, the beautiful, perfect blonde who overshadows all Burg girls like the sun outshines zillions of stars, then spits on his face before calmly morphs back into the 183-pound mom of 4 girls, says thank you politely and takes her three take-out pizzas from the stunned waitress behind the counter, and walks out of Pino's as if nothing has ever happened. One by one, the police officers, the firefighters, the EMTs, other diners from the Burg and the owner start to clap their hands. Without a word, Morelli turns and takes his leave. He'll have to go get some fast food for brunch. He's no longer welcome in his favorite pizza place.

Words not only travel faster but are also much more powerful than nuclear missiles here in Trenton. He didn't have a chance to close his eyes and get some sleep after the fiasco because of the endless calls from his upset mother and female relatives. He is also not welcome in Stephanie's favorite bakery any more. None of his neighbors (especially the four old ladies who helped pick up and put all Stephanie's rain-soaked belongings into new, unbroken plastic bags) talked, nodded or even recognized his existence this morning. Just like his colleagues. Both Eddie and Carl got to punch him twice before being pulled back by fellow officers. And someone grabbed the last two doughnuts the second he reached out for them.
Joseph A. Morelli watches Valerie Kloughn drive away, and suddenly realizes he has never really loved Stephanie Plum. Yes, she's fun and cute and good in bed, but she's never the girl he really wants. He's been always wanting a girl like Valerie. He wants a girl who can cook, clean, sew on a button and iron. He wants a girl who knows to stay safely away from the dangerous world and all those crazy criminals outside. He wants a girl who wants to have babies and can't wait to become a perfect housewife. He wants a girl who never dreams for the impossible and realizes human being can't fly. He stands all alone in the parking lot, think about all the time he wasted on the wrong girl, and finally blows out a defeated sigh.
He should have broken up with her a long time ago.


Chapter 13: Wanna Do Your Crying in the Rain?

Oracle 13: Wanna Do Your Crying in the Rain?

Stephanie Plum wants to outshine instead of being overshadowed and ignored. She wants to be different but is fearful of being unique. She wants to fly but is frightened that she'll only fall. She's too proud and stubborn to admit her faults and listen to advice and reason. She hides in the Land of Denial whenever reality is not to her liking. She is unhappy but not at all confused. She knows exactly what her real problem is. But she's just too much afraid to face and deal with it.

She knows whom she really loves but is not brave enough to tell. She wants to trust her heart to him but is too scared. She needs to know what he really wants from her but dares not ask. So she keeps on crawling back to Morelli. Why? Because Italian wild animal sex is eazy and costs you nothing. It never asks for your heart and soul in return. It allows you to forget your painful longing in the moment of passion. And it assures you anything is better than a possible rejection from the man you love. And all these years she has been blaming him for sending her back to Morelli and using it as the excuse to run away from him. Even though she has known all along she is the only one to blame.

She needed to repair her relationship with Morelli for the same reason she opened her eyes and picked the slip of paper with Morelli's name on it. They were both losers. They were both lonely. They knew each other. They shared a history together. So why couldn't they have some fun together?

Morelli is just like her. He is Italian, he is familiar, he is Burg, and they both have bad reputation. He is the son of a notorious family who used to have a famous wandering dick. No normal, sensible, practical Burg women will ever want him for a husband. She is the good for nothing who couldn't prevent her husband from fucking another woman on her own dining table.

Ranger, on the other hand, is a dream, a fantasy, and powerful magic. And magic can't be real. And why will a man like Ranger want a relationship with her? She is a magnet for disasters. She blows up cars and houses. She had no real skills. She is a plain, boring divorcée who has no bright future. No doubt he will soon grow tired and lose all interest in her once he spends enough time in bed with her. Surely she is no competition to all the other women in Ranger's life. She knows for a fact that she will never be half as smart as sexy as the perfect Jeanne Ellen Burrows.

So that day a couple years ago, after their first night together, she made up her mind to wake up from her dream and repair her relationship with Morelli. She let go of Ranger's shirt and told him, "I can't do this. This isn't going to work." And Ranger respected her choice and let her go. But her attempt to build a normal relationship with Morelli failed like a really bad joke. And several months ago, she made that same stupid mistake again. She chose to cut all the ties between she and Ranger and try a future with Morelli, and ended up being thrown out of his house like a worthless piece of kitchen garbage.

Ranger gathers Stephanie in his arms. She buries her face in Ranger's chest, wrap her arms around his waist and cries all her bitter tears out. Now that there's no more distance between them, she can't tell if the enchanting scent of Bvlgari is coming for him or herself. She realizes she can no longer ignore the tiny but stern voice in her heart and pretend and lie to herself. Ranger takes her in and helps her out even if she doesn't deserve it. And the least she can do is to be honest with Ranger and herself. She takes a deep breath and softly asks the question she's been dreaded to ask.

"What did you mean by 'I love you in my own way'?"


Chapter 14: What to Do When the Truth Comes Out

Oracle 14: What to Do When the Truth Comes Out

"It meant I could only love you as much as you allowed me to, Stephanie. You had already chosen Morelli and drawn a line between us the day you told me it would not work between us. You didn't want me to cross the line and I respected your decision. I told you my love didn't come with a ring because you never really wanted a ring from me. All you ever wanted was Morelli. You couldn't live with him under the same roof for more than three months and you kept on fighting with each other all the time. But no matter what happened, you always went back to him."

Ranger falls silent for a moment. He has never felt so tired and exhausted, but he knows he has to finish this conversation. Even if it may end up hurting them both and keeping them apart forever. "If you truly love Morelli and need to go back to him, please tell me now. I love you deeply but I'm just human, and I do have my limitation. I can't keep on doing this. Not anymore."
Stephanie looks at Ranger with wild eyes and starts laughing so hysterically that she can hardly breathe. "But I never love Morelli," She finally gasps, "I've been in love with you, like, forever!" Tears fall down her cheeks like waterfalls as her whole body shakes uncontrollably. She thinks of all the time she wasted and laughs even harder. She wants to strangle and apologize to herself at the same time for being such a stupid coward. All she had to do was to be honest with her feelings but instead she ran straight into the Land of Denial with her tail between her legs without a backward glance.

Just how cruel can Fate be, really?


Chapter 15: Now We've Come This Far

Oracle 15: Now We've Come This Far 

Stephanie keeps on laughing and crying at the same time like crazy for a few more minutes, and then slowly calms down in Ranger's arms. Her eyes are all puffy and swollen. Her throat is sore and hoarse. She surely has used up an entire lifetime's supply of tears. The unbearable hurt and heavy burden in her heart are finally gone, and now she feels eerily like a stranger to herself. She's tired, exhausted but relieved. And she's somewhat nervous, too. She can no longer be the irresponsible Queen of Denial. She needs to have enough courage to stop copying everyone else and learn to be herself. She needs to be brave enough to grow up and go after all her "ridiculous" and "unrealistic" dreams. And she will have no choice but to face and handle all the challenges and uncertainties that will soon follow, and most important of all...
"We both need to learn to talk about our feelings." Ranger tells her quietly.


Chapter 16: How Did We Fall Into This Circumstance?

Oracle 16: How Did We Fall Into This Circumstance?

Helen Plum hates feeling like a failure.

Calmly she takes Stephanie's clothes out of the dyer and starts sorting them into different piles with experienced, steady hands. Her heart is still aching but her tears are already dry. None of her younger daughter's clothes are expensive or of high quality. Some of the almost worn-out t-shirts have unwashable stains on them, and she can easily spot all the holes, tears and rips on nearly every pair of the jeans. Stephanie's life as a bounty hunter is far from pleasant or enjoyable. She faces and deals with dangerous and crazy people on a regular basis. She can barely earn enough money to keep herself from starving to death. And things got even worse when she could no longer earn some extra cash by working part time for her friend Ranger.

Helen puts the neatly folded piles of Stephanie's clothes into different clean washing baskets and lets out a tired sigh. How she wishes she knows what and whom Stephanie really wants. She doesn't know what happened between Stephanie and Ranger many months ago. She's still not quite sure if Stephanie chose to move in with Morelli because of lack of rent money or because of love. Hell, she doesn't even know if Stephanie has ever loved Morelli. Right now, Helen Plum only knows that she will spend the rest of her afternoon mending and ironing Stephanie's clothes, and that she's really, really glad that Valerie slapped and spit on Morelli's face in Pino's.


Chapter 17: Time to Learn to Survive

Oracle 17: Time to Learn to Survive

Stephanie tries not to squirm or fidget on the wooden counter stool. She absentmindedly toys with a stem of cilantro and sneaks another peek at Ranger. She has never felt so awkward in her life before. Right now, Ranger is chopping tomatoes, mushrooms and other healthy ingredients of their dinner with an expert hand in the spacious, bright, well-equipped kitchen. Unlike her, he apparently knows how to use a knife without cutting himself, and he looks good in that black apron too. Stephanie is not very surprised that Ranger can cook. She always knows he's a man of many talents. But still, seeing this side of Ranger is just like catching an unexpected glimpse of the dark side of the moon. Stephanie hasn't fully recovered from the shock of hearing Ranger telling her he will make dinner. And the drastic but delicate change of their relationship makes her nervous, worried and a bit scared at the same time.

They haven't really talked about it though. Ranger was called away on RangeMan business shortly after their conversation. Stephanie found the book he'd been reading and was immediately fascinated by it after the first few pages. She spent the afternoon curling on the couch reading and laughing with Bob snoring peacefully at her feet. She couldn't remember when was the last time she'd felt so relaxed and unguarded. She was so absorbed in the book that she actually yelped and fell to the floor when she suddenly looked up to find Ranger standing right in front of her. Ranger gave her a soft amused "babe" and an almost undetectable shake of his head before reaching out a large warm hand to pull her to her feet. And at that moment, it felt like everything was back to normal: nothing bad had ever happened between Stephanie and Ranger, she had never made the stupidest mistake of her life, and she had never hurt the most important person in her life.

Stephanie picks the cilantro leaves off the stem. No, she is not that naïve. What is done cannot be undone. She will have to pay for her own mistakes like everybody else . And all she can do now is to grasp her precious second chance and never let go of her dreams again.


Chapter 18: You've Got to Believe

Oracle 18: You've Got to Believe

Stephanie wonders where she should sleep tonight and turns on the sleek state-of-the-art German dishwasher in the modern spotless kitchen.

Ranger's house is located in a small newly developed upscale neighborhood about 20 minutes' drive from the RangeMan building, and the four bedrooms all have their private bathrooms. Stephanie's tastefully decorated bedroom is comfy, spacious and has a 42" plasma TV. But earlier today, when she lay alone in the dark bedroom, she felt so lonely that she couldn't sleep. She kept on tossing and turning for half an hour before finally gave up and went to the master bedroom to find Ranger. The same thing will only happen again if she chooses to sleep in that room tonight. She just knows it. And she can't just tell Ranger that she'd like to sleep in his bedroom or follow Ranger into his room when bedtime finally arrives.

Why? Because things are not that simple.

Even if Ranger has told her he loves her deeply, even if she has told Ranger he's the one she really loves, she still feels nervous, awkward and uneasy around Ranger. She knows this is what happens when you make a foolish mistake and hurt someone you love dearly. You will feel that you can't be sure about anything any more. Because what you had between the two of you has changed into something much more precious and fragile. And it will take a while for your friendship, emotion, affection and love for each other to settle back down to normal.

Stephanie looks at an empty spot on the kitchen shelf and finds that it is the perfect place for a Batman cookie jar. She lost her old cookie jar the day she went to her parents' house to bury Rex in the backyard. One of her crazy skips broke into her apartment and smacked it along with all her cups, bowls and plates against the kitchen wall. But strangely, Stephanie wasn't too upset. She sliced her finger on a piece of glass when picking up the business card Ranger had left inside the jar a long time ago, but she didn't even feel the sharp pain at all. She just drove back to her parent's right away, went up to her old room, and placed the blood-stained card inside Rex's glass aquarium. So, there is still a connection between she and Ranger, after all.
A small smile blossoms on Stephanie's face as she realizes what she has to do. Ranger is right, as usual. They both need to learn to talk about their feelings. And she will start learning right now.


Chapter 19: Just Do It

Oracle 19: Just Do It

Doubt and fear sneak into Stephanie's heart just as she is about to step out of the kitchen. She becomes nervous and is on the verge to second guess her decision to talk to Ranger when a fit of sudden self-loathing snaps her out of her worries. She leans one shoulder against the wall and lets out a sigh of frustration. No wonder she is the world's no.1 loser, failure and disappointment. She's nothing but a big fat foolish coward who never hesitates to make mistakes but is always afraid to do the right things. Stephanie rolls her eyes at herself and tries to bring her focus back to the task at hand. She knows she has to talk to Ranger no matter what. Maybe she really is not good enough for Ranger. But so what? He did tell her he loves her, did he not?

So, how do you tell the man you love you'd like to sleep with him? Stephanie asks herself. And how do you tell him that by "sleep" you really mean "sleep" not, you know, "sleep"? Is there any way to do that without feeling awkward or stupid? Do you need to be more specific? Should you say you'd like to "sleep in his bed" instead? Or should you just tell him that you need to sleep beside him because otherwise you won't be able to sleep? And do you need to tell him that this doesn't mean you don't want to "sleep" with him? Stephanie places her hand over her eyes when they start twitching. And then all of a sudden, she becomes angry with herself.

Just shut up, woman up and go ask him for heaven's sake. He did say he loves you, remember? Stephanie tells herself harshly, takes a couple deep breaths to calm down, braces herself, and goes into the living room to talk to Ranger.


Chapter 20: Talk to Me Like Lovers Do

Oracle 20: Talk to Me Like Lovers Do

"Just shut up, woman up and go ask him for heaven's sake. He did say he loves you, remember?"

Both Ranger and Bob turn their heads as Stephanie's harsh voice sounds from the kitchen. Bob the dog soon loses interest, yawns, and puts its head back onto Ranger's lap. Ranger, on the other hand, does nothing to hide the hint of a smile on his face. Yes, he does miss the goofy Stephanie. And sometimes, in the past few months, when he stepped inside his silent 7th floor apartment in the middle of the night, he would think of the night when he'd driven nine long hours (half of it in pouring rain, he remembers clearly) to get home and found Stephanie in his bed. And then, all of a sudden, he would think of the moment when she let Morelli hug and kiss her, lead her away to his car and drive her back to his small nice cozy two-story Burg house after waving a short goodbye to Sally Sweet. No, that particular scene never ever made Ranger feel lonely. But maybe, just maybe, it did make him feel a bit used and...betrayed.

A mercenary complains about being used and taken for granted? Really? Ranger's smile deepens as he silently mocks himself. Glad you still have feelings like an average ordinary human being, Mr. Manoso. By the way, love is never demanding a return, remember? 

The soft sound of hesitated footsteps and clothes ruffling snaps Ranger from his thoughts. He looks up and finds a slightly fidgeting Stephanie approaching him slowly. He wonders what she wants to say to him. No. he's not Batman. And he doesn't always know everything. He doesn't know what's on Stephanie's mind right now, but somehow deep down in Ranger's heart he knows Stephanie will never go back to Morelli ever again. Don't ask him how. He just knows it. Ranger waits patiently for a couple minutes and decides to jump in and lend a helping hand. He raises a brow at Stephanie. "Babe?"

Stephanie bites her lips nervously, takes a deep breath to steady herself, and finally opens her mouth and in a tiny shaky voice quickly lets out a string of words. "I love you and I really can't sleep without you and I will never go anywhere if you allow me to stay with you and can I sleep in your room tonight?" She then adds helpfully, hopefully and pleadingly, "Please?"


Chapter 21: Lay by My Side, Fear Not Tonight

Oracle 21: Lay by My Side, Fear Not Tonight 

When did their friendship truly begin? Ranger looks into Stephanie's uncertain eyes and wonders. The day Professor Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle sat on the curb outside her moron of a skip's house in the chilly rain waiting for the cops, the EMTs and Al to arrive? Or the moment he looked at the check she'd told Connie to give him and smiled? When did it evolve into something deeper and more complicated? How did it grow so strong and so frighteningly demanding that it scared the both of them into making wrong decisions? What does she want in her life? What does she really need? Is he ready to offer the things she wants? Can he give her what she needs? Will he be able to change for her? How long will it take for the lingering invisible barriers lurking between them to finally dissolve and melt away? And what if things don't work out between them?

There is only one way to find out.

Without a word Ranger nods his head and reaches out a hand. Timidly but without hesitation Stephanie takes hold of his hand and sits down beside him on the couch. Ranger locks his intense dark brown eyes with her clear blue ones and softly asks, "Do you still need a dog, a house, a couple kids, and a diamond ring?"

Stephanie blinks, and blinks. She opens her mouth to answer but then closes it again in near-panic. Damn. She's really not ready for that question.


Chapter 22: The Things That Dreams Are Made Of

Oracle 22: The Things That Dreams Are Made Of

A dog, a house, a couple kids, and a diamond ring. The four essential elements of any standard Burg girl's ultimate dream. Stephanie desperately tries to think. Does she really need these things? Does she ever want them? Did she marry Orr for them? Did she choose to move in with Morelli because of them? Does she truly believe these things will make her happy, fulfilled, and complete?

Here in the Burg, a stubborn, old-fashioned, conservative Catholic neighborhood, marriage is not an option but a must, and "practical" is everybody's middle name. Everyone knows that real life is no fairy tale, and love is too overrated. Nearly every little boy wants a wife who can cook pastas and keep the house clean. Almost every little girl grows up dreaming of marrying a man with a steady income instead of a dark, handsome, foreign prince. By the time Stephanie graduated from college, nearly all her friends were married, and some of them had already popped out two or even four kids. It was all natural for her to find someone with a decent job and settle down like everyone else did. And as a sly, ambitious rookie lawyer, Dickie Orr seemed like a quite reasonable choice. By the time she got divorced and became a bounty hunter, Joseph Morelli happened to be the only single male left in the neighborhood who was not mentally challenged or psychologically disturbed. And she was (and maybe still is) not good enough for Ranger...

She did not marry Orr or move in with Morelli because of love, trust, or companionship. She chose the road everyone took because she didn't want to stand out in the crowd and become a lonely joke. Stephanie tightens her grasp of Ranger's hand and feels the calming strength and warmth radiating off him. It is so hard and embrassing to strip all those layers of lies and excuses you wrapped around yourself over the years and bare your soul to the person you love. But no matter how frightened Stephanie is, she has to do it. Now.

"I...I just don't want to be alone."


Chapter 23: The Power of Love

Oracle 23: The Power of Love

Stephanie looks into Ranger's intense but serene dark brown eyes and feels dazed. She has never wanted something or someone so much in her life before, and now the intensity of all her deeply hidden emotion for Ranger scares her. It's impossible to find two people more different than she and Ranger. He's an amazing and determined success story. She's nothing but a pitiful failure and joke. He thinks ahead, plans and fights for his future. She's too much a coward to live her own dreams and only barely survives the moment. What if things don't work out between them? What if Ranger gets bored of her? What if Ranger meets someone else? Someone pretty, someone smart, someone much, much better? What does Ranger really want from her? What does Ranger really see in her? Can they really share a life together? Is love enough to overcome all their differences? Is it true that love will conquer everything and anything? Dare she seize the day, live her life, and take the risk?

This is exactly why she has been so afraid of making commitment. Stephanie reminds herself. You either win all or lose everything. And you will start thinking so hard and worrying so much that you'll end up with a massive headache while smelling your brain burning. But now her commitment phobia doesn't bother her any more. Stephanie knows she only has one more shot left in life, and she has already made up her mind. For the first time in her life, she wants to be brave and fearless, and true to herself. And that is the reason why she feels utterly relieved instead of panic when Ranger pulls her into his arms and softly tells her, "We'll make it work."
There's always a price for love. And she's finally ready to pay for it.


Chapter 24: It's Too Damn Complicated

Oracle 24: It's Too Damn Complicated

He stops at a red light and sees the familiar sleek, shining, expensive black car drive by. Out of pure curiosity he turns to follow the Porsche from a discreet distance when the traffic light changes, and parks more than half a block away when the Turbo 911 pulls to a stop in front of the recently rebuilt bonds office. Unconsciously he narrows his eyes and clenches his teeth as he watches Ranger get out of the car, open the passenger door for Stephanie and help her out. All of a sudden he can feel both his rage and blood pressure rising. Yes, he knows he kicked Stephanie out of his house and his life and told her to crawl back to Ranger. But honestly, he wasn't expecting this. Not so soon, at least.

No, he's definitely not feeling jealous. Bitter, yes, and maybe more than a bit angry, but no, absolutely not jealous. He sits motionlessly in silence watching Connie and Lula race out of the bonds office to wrap Stephanie in their arms. One or two minutes later, Vinnie sticks his head out of the door, say something to Stephanie, and disappears back inside. He tightens both his fists as he sees Ranger sling an arm around a smiling Stephanie's shoulders and walk her into the building. No, he honestly does not regret what he did. He's really really very sure he doesn't want her back. Not in his bed, nor in his life. Yes, she's fun and sexy and easy to please, but she can't cook, she can't clean, she's never what he wants. She will never be able to give him what he needs. They are just so wrong for each other. Yes, he knows he should be happy that she did exactly what he told her to do. Yes, he knows he should be happy to see her and Ranger together. But still he feels his heart and soul burning with something he has no reason to have.
In great frustration Joseph Morelli starts his car and drives away. He tries his best not to turn his head to look at the fancy luxury car he can never afford, or to think of the woman he just let go. No. Again and again he firmly tells himself. He's definitely not feeling jealous.


Chapter 25: Of Mother and Child

Oracle 25: Of Mother and Child

Helen Plum doesn't know what to say to her younger daughter. She just holds Stephanie tight in her arms for one long minute. She's definitely not a hugger or a kisser. She is never very good at properly and openly showing her feelings and emotions. She's also really not good with words, and tends to babble a lot when she's too upset or nervous. She always expresses her worries and concerns for her family by constantly nagging and reminding them of just about everything, and the only comfortable way for her to show her love for them is to feed them and take care of their everyday needs. Now Helen's happy, simply happy to see her daughter safe and sound, and she's so grateful that Ranger found Stephanie that cold rainy night and took her in. She quickly blinks back her tears and puts on a warm smile as she releases Stephanie and turns to face Ranger. "Come inside, please. Dinner will be ready in a minute." She spent the whole afternoon cooking and baking after Frank received Stephanie's call sometime around noon. All of Stephanie's washed, mended and ironed clothes are already packed, and the three dozens of chocolate chip cookies and the moist chocolate layer cake (yes, with extra chocolates) she baked for Stephanie are bagged, too. Helen also prepared a plate of warm chicken salad and some oven baked vegetables beside the usual pot roast, gravy, mashed potatoes and pineapple upside down cake.

She then hurries into the kitchen while, for once, her mother and husband take turn instead of elbowing each other out of the way to hug and kiss Stephanie and shake hands with Ranger (well, Grandma does get to give him a hug and a kiss on his cheek, mind you). A happy smile blossoms on Helen's face as she looks up and sees the clock. 5:59. Perfect. The pot roast won't be too dry tonight.


Chapter 26: Time to Take That Train

Oracle 26: Time to Take That Train

Joe Morelli tries his best to move on to chase his dreams and live his life. But he can't help perking up his ears whenever people mention Stephanie's name in their conversations, or turning his head to stare at any sleek black cars driving by. Sometimes when he lets himself into his silent empty house after a long day's work, he will think of Bob and regrets his decision to get rid of the goofy playful dog. And he also misses Pino's subs, Pino's pastas, and Pino's pizzas with extra garlic and tomato sauce. His mother and aunts have finally forgiven him for what he did that night, and started to introduce new love interests to him. But so far, none of the blind or arranged dates work. The nurse from St. Francis talks too much. The sales lady from Macy's looks too much like a fish. And the teacher from the elementary school—well, he really, really doesn't want to talk about the teacher from the elementary school, or even thinks of her. Terry is now engaged to a "rising star" of another famed Mafia family, and he is not yet desperate enough to hook up with Joyce Barnhardt. Most of his fellow cops still look at him with disgust or treat him as if he doesn't exist, and that's probably the reason why he hasn't had a taste of the police station's usual morning doughnuts for ages. Someone will always grab the last one before he reaches out his hand. Just like now.

Morelli blows out a defeated sigh and sits down at his desk. Maybe it's time to think about a transfer to another city. Somewhere nearby and not too far from his family, but far enough that he won't come face to face with Stephanie. Yes, he's been trying all he can to avoid her. He still has no idea what to do or say if they finally run into each other, though he somehow thinks she should thank him for putting an end to their relationship and thus enabled her to be with Ranger. He unwraps his sandwich, takes a bite, and swallows as he listens half-heartedly to the happy chatting and laughter around him. But no matter how hard he tries, the lump in his throat just won't go away.

~The End~
Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)